Drumsticks, Social Butterflies, and Wallflowers

Two types of social personalities and their roles in a group setting

First, let’s talk about Drumsticks

Have you ever had those frozen ice cream cones with a hard chocolate shell on top, usually with chopped nuts? Those are the drumsticks to which I am referring. They look good, and the first few bites are great, but after the top is gone, it’s just all vanilla ice cream in a waffle-type cone. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla ice cream–I love it–but the drumstick leads you to believe it is more than it is. It shows you its greatest appeal, but it doesn’t take long to crack open that chocolate layer and realize there is not much underneath. I equate these confections to a social butterfly.

Social Butterfly (The Extrovert)

According to Wikipedia, “a social butterfly is a slang term for a person who is socially dynamic, successful at networking, charismatic, and personally gregarious.” A social butterfly is one form of an extrovert. In my experience, after you get to know them, they don’t have a lot of substance to offer and are commonly self-serving. I am, of course, making generalizations, and I am not saying that all extroverts are shallow, but it’s certainly more difficult to get them to have serious, introspective conversations. It’s not bad to have at least one butterfly in your social group, as they are good at planning events and getting people involved. As a close, dedicated friend, though, it may be better to look more at an introvert.

Wallflower (The Introvert)

I think many times, introverts get a “bad rap.” They may be looked at as painfully shy or unsociable and are often referred to as a wallflower. This term usually seems to take on a more negative connotation. The introvert can seem unemotional, so they wouldn’t normally be considered the “life of the party,” but they certainly can be sociable with a smaller group of people. Introverts are generally reflective and more self-aware. They are not customarily impulsive, but take time making decisions because of their more analytical mindset. Taken to an extreme, some forms of introversion can lead to social anxiety or depression. In and of itself, being an introvert isn’t a bad thing. Many social butterflies tend to want to pull them “out of their shell,” because that’s just in the nature of these winged socialites. They are having fun, putting themselves on display and they believe that if everyone isn’t having the same reaction to an experience, well… they should be. Introverts, however, don’t need to be fixed; they are not broken.

A Balanced Garden

If you have a group full of social butterflies, you may have a lot of fun, but you may also get into some mischief. Quick, impulsive decision-making can lead to trouble. Having a mix of butterflies and wallflowers will give you a more well-rounded group.

Did you know that a group of butterflies is called a kaleidoscope?

A kaleidoscope of butterflies without any flowers will have nowhere to land; they will not be grounded. On the other hand, a floral garden without any butterflies will have much less activity, but maybe a bit boring. In every facet of life, I believe it is a good idea to find some symmetry–a more balanced garden, if you will.

The Gardener

Among your group, there may be an extrovert that is more empathetic and self-aware. This person will be able to recognize and celebrate the differences among the members of the group and help to create that balanced garden. They may be looked at as the leader of the group or the “gardener.” This person should be able to cultivate good relationships without crossing boundaries of each individual. Without the gardener, things may get a little weedy, but hopefully, you’ll all at least survive the evening.

So, if you’re a wallflower, go find a butterfly–no, strike that. You won’t need to find them; they’ll find you. Just accept them if they flit over your way and try your best to indulge them in their attempts to help you join in the fun. If you’re a butterfly, find a wallflower to land on–just don’t land too hard or you’ll break them.

*If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy reading my article Grow Your Nose.

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