National Singles Day

Celebrating Singleness

Yes, today is National Singles Day–a day that we are supposed to celebrate our “singleness.” First, I should say that I do enjoy my alone time. I sometimes drive to work with the radio turned off so I can think. I turn off the TV while I’m writing so I can concentrate, and since I live alone, no one is around to disrupt my thought process. Well, almost no one. I have two cats, one of which is very needy and likes a lot of attention.

There are several benefits to being single:

• I have no one to argue with me about:
  • the temperature of the room/house (65 degrees?! We might as well live in an igloo!)
  • what to have for dinner (You want lasagna bolognese? Okay, Martha Stewart, let me know when it’s finished)
  • what to watch on TV (The Bachelor? What are you, a monster?)
  • who left the dirty clothes on the floor (It was me)
• No one is going to steal my blankets in the the middle of the night (unless there’s some sort of burgler with an odd fetish)
• No one’s sneezing because of my cats (It’s you or the cats? Well, the cats were here first, so…gesundheit and good-bye)
• I can talk to whomever I want without someone getting jealous (unless the person I’m talking to is in a relationship; in that case, I guess it’s their problem)

Drawbacks of the Single Life

Yes, there are things that are nice about being single; however, there are also things that I have experienced that are more negative:

• When going out with couples, I feel like a third wheel (which is okay if you’re part of a tricycle)
• I don’t have anyone to snuggle with (my cats will tolerate only a limited amount of snuggling)
• Going on vacation is not as enjoyable (holding hands at Niagara Falls didn’t seem as appealing for the stranger next to me)
• Cooking for one creates a lot of leftovers (that poppyseed chicken didn’t turn out so well? too bad, cause I’m going to be eating it for the next THREE DAYS)

The truth is, I’ve been single most of my adult life and I’m TIRED of it! In an upcoming article, I write about Maslow’s heirarchy of needs and the human desire for intimacy. The Bible says, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). There is a reason for that. We are wired for intimacy and companionship. The problem for me is, it can be very difficult to meet eligible gay men in my area.

Fish in the Sea

According to a U.S. census report, nearly 50% of adults in the U.S are single (127 million). That sounds like a fairly large number, “plenty of fish in the sea,” if you will. Now let’s break it down a little more:

According to a gallup poll, 7.1% of Americans identify as LGBT. That brings the number of eligible partners down quite a bit. Of that 7.1%, about 10% are married to same-sex partners, which means, at least for me, they’re unavailable (I’m not a homewrecker). Information collected by Wikipedia shows that, in Missouri, the percentage of those identifying as LGBT is 3.4% (we’re getting smaller). If my preference is gay men, that cuts the number down a lot more (no, “a lot” is not a specific estimation, but I could find no studies about this particular demographic).

Living in rural Missouri, we are spread out quite a bit and I would have to try to go where other gay men congregate. Where do they go? Clubs and bars. Is that where I want to meet my soulmate? Is that where high-quality men go to meet one another in order to form long-lasting, deep, and meaningful relationships? Probably not.

So, all of this to say that looking for my “fish in the sea” is like swimming through the ocean, trying to find one, specific, tiny minnow.

Fishing in the Wrong Pond

In an episode of the podcast Gay Dating Secrets (which I highly recommend), Life Coach Frank Macri suggests that if you’re not finding what you’re looking for, then change your environment. If you are looking in bars, clubs, and on Grindr, but coming up short, it’s not that you’re finding the wrong guys; you’re looking in the wrong places.

The problem is, where are the right places? I could meet guys at common venues like the gay grocery store, the gay gym, the gay library…oh wait, those don’t exist? Well, back to the gay drawing board.

What’s the Point?

Now that I’ve whined and complained about how difficult it is to meet single, available gay men, what is the point to writing all of this? Maybe there isn’t one. Maybe I just wanted to whine and you are my captive audience, or maybe other readers can relate to this dilemma. I guess one of the points is that you can’t do much about the statistics, you can’t change reality, so if you don’t like it, either do something about your situation or live with it. If you are single, I hope you are making the most of it, finding things that add fulfillment and meaning to your life.

Feedback

So tell me, readers, can you relate to this article? Are you single? Do you enjoy the single life? How do you deal with it if you don’t?

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Copyright © 2022 Brandon Ellrich

If you enjoyed this article, please check out Drumsticks, Social Butterflies and Wallflowers and Who is Disappointing Whom?