satire – Brandon Ellrich, Writer/Author/Poet

Kids Who Will Make You Happy You’re Child-Free

If you look forward to one day becoming a parent, this article will show you why you should be glad you’re child-free.

What Happens When Your Favorite Literary Characters Post Help Wanted Ads?

One of these jobs may not make you a headliner, but you’ll be “famous-adjacent” Do you recognize the classic novels associated with these ads? WANTED: Sitter for Lunatic Wife Need position filled ASAP! No prior experience or education is required, though past dog sitting may prove helpful. Previous work as an exorcist’s assistant automatically lands anContinue reading “What Happens When Your Favorite Literary Characters Post Help Wanted Ads?”

Thanksgiving’s Revenge Is a Dish Best Served at 400 Degrees

We abused Thanksgiving long enough Originally published in Contemplate You may have seen previews or even watched the movie Thanksgiving, about a weird-looking pilgrim on a murderous rampage. That may appear more like a documentary to many Native Americans, but that’s another topic. What you’re about to read here is more frightening than a hatchet-wielding man withContinue reading “Thanksgiving’s Revenge Is a Dish Best Served at 400 Degrees”

Superstitious? Not Me!

“The Interview” I interviewed Brandon Ellrich as we were eating lunch at a nearby cafe. I asked him a question regarding superstitions. Are you superstitious? “Of course not. That’s just silly.” What are you doing? “Eating my lunch.” No, I mean…with the salt. You threw it over your shoulder. “Oh, that’s just something you do.”Continue reading “Superstitious? Not Me!”

Just Look At Yourself!

Just Look At Yourself! Where Do You See Yourself in Five Years? Mostly in mirrors, I think. Perhaps the occasional window, pool, or other body of water. Mirrors are much clearer, though. I don’t consider myself a photogenic person. I look in the mirror and I think, “Eh…good enough.” Then, I’ll take a selfie and lookContinue reading “Just Look At Yourself!”