Blind Dates

In some cases, it would’ve been better if I had been truly blind

Blind Dates

Several years ago, I was friends with a Southern Baptist preacher and his wife. This was before I came out. We played cards on the weekends and they were nice enough people, though the preacher was pretty much bipolar.

They wanted me to meet this female friend of theirs and decided to set up a group date. The group consisted of the preacher and his wife, “K” and her sister with me and a male friend of mine. We went to see a movie and then went to dinner. We had a good time, overall, but I felt very awkward. I tried to be pleasant and make small talk, but the “date” part just wasn’t working, for obvious reasons.

It was a time in my life when I was depressed and trying to live like a “normal” person. Has there been a time in your life when you tried to conform to what other people thought you should be? It’s stressful and sometimes exhausting.

Needless to say (although I’m still saying it; what’s the point of that phrase, anyway?), it didn’t work out. Later, my date told her sister that I didn’t hold the door open for her. I don’t remember that moment at all and it certainly doesn’t sound like me, but oh well. Sorry, “K” — next time I would hold the door, but there won’t be a next time.

Not long after that, I came out to one of my friends and she set me up on a blind date. That could be great, right? My friend knows me so she should know whether we would be compatible. We went out as a group, which made it much less awkward. My friend, her niece, the guy, and a “couple” (guy and girl) friends of his.

I knew immediately that my friend had made a mistake. This guy was not at all my type, physically. As the night went on I found that our personalities didn’t mesh either.

At the restaurant, we asked each other questions, which ended up being a bit awkward in front of everyone else. However, it would’ve been even weirder had we been alone.

I don’t ascribe to all the gay stereotypes, so when he asked about some of these, like if I liked Cher (I don’t really care for her), I said no. He said, “Are you sure you’re gay?” I almost spit out my drink as my friend started laughing. It seemed we had nothing in common besides the fact that we were both gay.

This happens all the time. “I know someone you should meet. He’s gay too!” Well then, by all means, let me ring the chapel and schedule a wedding day.

Anyway, back to the date. The real clincher came when he went outside for a smoke. For me, smoking was a deal-breaker.

We still had a good time and ordered drinks. Mine came in a really cool, blue glass. After I drank it, my friend to put it in her purse. Even though it wasn’t a great date, it was my first date with a guy so she thought I should commemorate it.

That same friend set me up on another blind date. Why would I agree to do it again? I don’t know, I guess I was desperate, okay?

We met at Country Kitchen late one night. He was actually quite cute. The problem was he was not a talker and neither was I. We basically just sat there not saying much at all.

I can be a very social person, but I tend to feed off of others. If someone is able to get a conversation going, I am easily able to keep up, adding my thoughts and responding appropriately about the subject. However, if it’s left up to me to come up with the subject, we’re up a creek.

We didn’t exchange numbers and never spoke again. I sort of regret it and wish I would’ve given it another chance.

I had another friend just a couple of years ago that said that there was this guy that I should meet (only because he was gay, probably). We were all three supposed to meet at this grill-and-bar-type restaurant because their specialty was seafood and had these supposedly great fish tacos. I’d never had fish tacos.

The guy was flabbergasted that I had NEVER HAD FISH TACOS! You know those people. The ones who say, “You mean you’ve NEVER _________ [fill in the blank]?!” as if you’re from another planet because you’ve never experienced this thing that every other person on the face of the Earth surely has done.

So, “Fish Taco” and I showed up at the restaurant, but my friend “suddenly” had something come up and couldn’t make it. We were set up. I should’ve seen it coming.

We got a table and from the moment we sat down until we left, Fish Taco did NOT STOP TALKING. Exaggeration? Barely. The only time he wasn’t talking was when his mouth was busy with the thing that everyone on Earth has surely tried. This was the only time I was given the opportunity to speak.

The rest of the time, he talked about his ex-wife, how he wanted to move to California, and how much money he made. Do you know who cares to hear about all of those things? Nobody.

I swear the ONE QUESTION he asked me the entire time was, “How’s the taco?”

Seriously. That’s it.

The only information he learned about me was what I voluntarily told him while he was chewing his food or taking a drink. I had to time it just right, though. If we were both chewing at the same time, I’d lost my chance.

So, you’re probably dying to know the answer to that same question, how were the tacos?

Fine.

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