How I Gave in to Fear in Rural Missouri
My hometown is in rural Missouri. I didn’t come out until I was an adult because I knew my conservative Christian family would not accept me, not to mention my school, church, friends, or community.
This year, I heard my town was hosting a Pride event. I don’t know a lot of other people in the LGBTQ+ community, so I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to meet someone from my area.
The event was scheduled to be held at the local Elks Lodge. After I made the decision to go, I heard about some “backlash” from conservative community members. A drag show was part of the schedule of events and it was advertised as “family-friendly.”
This group of conservatives went to a city council meeting to voice their concerns, claiming to be standing up “for our children.” They used the phrase “drag shows are not ‘kid-friendly’.”
Part of the problem was that they changed the phrase. The drag show was advertised as “family-friendly,” encouraging children and their parents to attend.
This group, calling themselves the Johnson County Citizens for the Protection of Children, changed the narrative. They claimed that the organizers of the Pride event were targeting children, essentially indoctrinating the youth with a homosexual agenda. You can read a bit about the meeting in this article:
Addressing Bigotry – Warrensburg, Missouri City Council – April 24, 2023
A group billing themselves as Johnson County Citizens for the Protection of Children is up in arms about the…
Because of the pushback, there was the possibility of canceling the event. Fortunately, increased security was ordered.
Warrensburg Pride Festival – June 3, 2023 – Returning to Family Friendly Format
The 2023 Warrensburg Pride Festival is returning to its original format after addressing security concerns. Warrensburg…
Even though I’m out, I’m still careful about who I talk to about it. It’s not a conversation that comes up with my family members, and I don’t do too much to attract attention to myself.
When June 3rd arrived, I drove to the location of the Pride event and saw a group of protestors out on the road. They were holding signs that said “Standing Up For Your Children” and others.
I kept driving.
I allowed my fear to dictate my actions. I probably missed out on an opportunity to connect with people who I could relate to within my community.
Fear told me that some of these protestors will turn violent.
Fear whispered that I’ll be there alone and will feel awkward.
Fear said that there will be people I know there who will judge me.
Fear pointed out that it’s an enclosed space and so many people in a crowded area will make me anxious.
There’s one problem with listening to fear and living your life according to its diction:
Fear is a liar.
Whether or not you’re religious or spiritual, the sentiment of this song holds true.
I was disappointed with myself for giving in to fear, but I won’t remain in self-judgment or allow myself to sink into depression.
KC Pridefest is on the 9th, 10th, and 11th and I’ll be going. St. Louis Pridefest is on the 24th and 25th and I’ve already booked a hotel.
If you allow fear to dictate your entire life, you’ll live in constant regret and loneliness. Are there risks? Certainly. But there are also great rewards.
If you’re afraid to go somewhere because there’s a real threat, I’m not telling you to ignore it. No one should judge you for listening to your conscience. Use discretion and caution, but don’t live in fear.
Copyright © 2023 Brandon Ellrich
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*Originally published in Prism & Pen on Medium.
If this post resonated with you, please check out these other posts: Mouse Without Tale, Impossible Request, and Being in the Closet Isn’t So Bad.
Brandon Ellrich, Writer/Author/Poet 
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Sometimes it is not that bad to hear to our fears. Our gut at times knows more than our brain.
That said, I totally agree we should not let fear dictate our lives. Fear makes us craven and we hate ourselves for it.
From what I have seen in the place I live, there is more stigma attached to not being straight in small, close, rural communities.
You should be proud that you have taken decision to be a part of the pride parades later this month.
Do keep us posted.
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Thanks for the support. 🙂
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You are welcome, Brandon. 🙂
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I am also originally from a small town in Missouri, and I can’t imagine that little town having a Pride event. There are probably many people there who would be supportive, but there would also be many ignorant people who would protest the “gay agenda.” And these days, you never know what is going on in peoples’ minds and how far they will go.
This past weekend I went to Pride in a smaller town in Ohio and was amazed. We went last year, but this year’s Pride Parade and Festival were bigger than ever. It used to be just major cities that could support these events, but now there is more support than ever. And I think people also like rainbows.
There is still fear associated with these events, and I even talked with a few people who had concerns in the back of their minds. But hope was the prevalent emotion, and it’s that hope that will lead to change. I hope you had/have an amazing time at KC and STL!
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I didn’t know you were from Missouri! That’s great. Do you ever get back here?
Thanks for responding. I’m glad you have a better community where you are now.
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What a powerful post! Please, don’t be too hard on yourself. Fear is a powerful thing.
My daughter came out a few years ago and wanted to go to Pride this year without me. With just her friends. She’s 15. I didn’t want to let her go because I imagined the protesters. I imagined them yelling at her and telling her she’s not allowed to be herself. I was wrong. She corrected me. “Mom, I want to face them. I want to yell back if I can. It’s something I need to do. They need to see who they hate.” I was a nervous wreck. I imagined all kinds of horrible scenarios, but she had a lovely time. She felt supported and loved. The protestors were held back by the police and were a non-issue. I hope you enjoyed the rest of your Pride events. Happy Pride!
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Thank you! I’m glad your daughter was able to go and had a good time. I did too. I actually didn’t see any protestors at KC or St. Louis, which surprised me.
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Bridgette – this is beautiful. I’m so glad.
❤
David
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Thank you 🙂
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